A couple of weeks ago, I got an email from the Italian newspaper Corriere della Sera saying that I was nominated for the Cucina Blog Award for Best Food Writing. The event took place last week, and while I didn't actually win the award, I'm still amazed I was even considered for it. Given the fact that I haven't actually written something on this blog for over six months, it seemed like a weird chance of faith more than anything else. And still, at the same time, I wonder if my silence was maybe part of the reason why I was nominated. Not because I was silent, but because it was real.

My writing, not unlike my baking, is deeply tied up with my emotions. I write about the things that occupy my heart and my mind, especially here. Yet sometimes, those things are so violently disruptive that it feels impossible to share them in a place so inherently public. I've tried writing something more than once during the past half year, but eventually every draft ended up in the bin. I didn't want to talk about my issues in a roundabout way and I definitely had no interest in pretending. Silence was the only option.

As I write this today, I'm still not sure if I have the words. Some things simply aren't my story to tell, and others, I know, are still too painful for others. All I can do right now is tell you the facts. Which are that I ended my seven-year relationship with Thomas; our house is currently up for sale; I started a new relationship; and sometimes, in a totally unrelated matter, but now more often than ever before, I feel like my family is torn to pieces. 

Needless to say, my world today is still a very uncertain one. I have no idea where I'll be in a month or even a year. But I'm moving again. I'm making plans and slowly getting back into routines old and new. I'm finding a new place for myself, and I hope that one day not too far from now I can invite my family into an actual new home and treat them to homemade brioche and ricotta pancakes for brunch again.

This post was created in collaboration with MelkMoment, which was probably exactly what I needed to at least get some words out. MelkMoment is a campaign organised by the Flemish Centre for Agricultural and Fisheries Marketing (VLAM) or Fresh from Belgium, aimed at showing the versatility of milk and inspiring people with a range of "milk moments". Milk features as a key ingredient in many of my desserts, and over the next two months I'll be sharing four recipes developed specifically for this campaign. All thoughts and opinions shared on this blog, of course, are my own.

notes

• I used store-bought ricotta for this recipe, but you can just as easily make your own. I recommend Karen Mordechai's recipe from the Simple Fare Spring/Summer Cookbook, but I'm sure there are plenty of other good sources online too.

LEMON RICOTTA PANCAKES W/ GINGERED STRAWBERRIES

gingered strawberries ever so slightly adapted from Tending the Table

serves 4
(or 2 very hungry people)

for the pancakes

50 g granulated sugar
zest of 1 lemon
80 g all-purpose flour
60 g spelt flour
1 tsp baking powder
pinch of salt
120 g ricotta
180 ml whole milk
2 large eggs, separated
1 tbsp melted butter

for the gingered strawberries

200 g fresh strawberries, hulled and sliced
1 tbsp raw cane sugar
2 cm piece of fresh ginger, peeled and grated

how to

for the pancakes

1. In a small bowl, rub lemon zest into the sugar until fragrant and incorporated. In a medium bowl, whisk together lemon sugar, both flours, baking powder and salt. In a large measuring cup, whisk together ricotta, milk, egg yolks and melted butter. Combine wet and dry and stir until smooth.

2. In the meantime, in a stand mixer fitted with the whisk attachment or using a hand-held mixer, beat egg whites until they form stiff peaks. Gently but quickly, fold whipped egg whites into the batter. Set aside to rest for 10 minutes.

3. Lightly grease a nonstick pan with butter and preheat over medium heat. Spoon about 2 tablespoons of batter onto the pan for each pancake and cook until the bottom is golden brown, 3 to 4 minutes. Carefully flip the pancakes and cook until golden on both sides, 3 to 4 minutes more. Repeat until the batter is finished. (Baked pancakes can be kept warm in the oven while you finish baking the next batch.)

for the gingered strawberries

1. In a medium bowl, stir together strawberries, sugar and grated ginger until the strawberries start to release their juices.

2. Serve pancakes with gingered strawberries and finish with powdered sugar, honey or maple syrup.